Freshman year of college. Wow! What a whirlwind. First semester of college, for me, was a blessing and a curse. There were times where I didn’t stop laughing (literally), and there were times when I’d call my mom for weeks telling her I was dropping out and never coming back. So many people had told me about how this would be the “best year of my life”. I believed them! That is, until I was three months in and still crying every night about how much I hated it. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong! I didn’t understand why I felt so lonely and hopeless. What was wrong with me? Good news… NOTHING! There was NOTHING wrong with me, just like there’s nothing wrong with you. It was all in my mindset. Here are some mindset mistakes that I made and ways to avoid them!
MISTAKE 1: Believing That College Would Be The Best Four Years Of My Life
Going into college, I was ready to make a bunch of new friends, meet a nice boy, go to a bunch of fun events, and therefore have the best first semester ever. So when I got to college and had zero friends and zero cute boys, I started thinking that I was doing something wrong. Why was I looking around at everyone else and seeing them smiling and laughing and posting on Instagram with their “new besties”? What was I doing wrong? What was so wrong with me that I didn’t have all these new best friends by the third week of school? NOTHING! I went into college with high and unrealistic standards. When those standards weren’t met, I started blaming myself, when in reality, EVERYBODY struggles SO MUCH their freshman year! Go in with the expectation that it will be HARD, and let small things surprise you. Let yourself laugh often; you’re doing so good, and there is NOTHING wrong with you! This is a crazy transition in life! Probably one of the biggest transitions so far! You literally have to remember to sleep and eat and do your laundry, all while balancing an overwhelming school load, and on top of everything, you’re “supposed to be” making friends! That is a lot! Give yourself grace, and remember that this is your journey and your experience; it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It’s going to be hard, but keep pushing and finding reasons to be grateful. It will get better.
Don’t get me wrong: I love a good “sit on the toilet for three hours and scroll through Instagram” type of day. I think social media is such a fun way to express yourself and be creative. However, it’s also a breeding ground for comparison. That can be very dangerous in college!
MISTAKE 2: Comparison Through Social Media
I had Snapchat and Instagram going into college. After a complete shock to my system of college and this new, insane life, something that dragged me down further into the pit of despair was scrolling through Instagram and seeing all of my high school friends or new college buddies posting pictures smiling and laughing and hugging their new friends. That was HARD for me to see! I felt very alone and like I was doing college completely wrong. What should I be doing to have more friends? Why am I not getting asked on fraternity date nights? What was wrong with me? Again, good news… NOTHING! Nothing was wrong with me or the way I was living. I was getting all of my value from pictures of girls who were faking it just as much as me, rather than getting my confidence knowing that I was a beloved daughter of Christ! I felt worthless because an 18 year old frat boy who didn’t know how to do his own laundry wasn’t paying attention to me, rather than trusting that the King of Kings says that I am beautiful and valuable and chosen and precious to Him!
I ended up talking to a lot of girls who I was comparing myself to over a phone screen, and they told me they were struggling just as much as I was, faking it to make it. I called my freshman friends all over the country, and, like me, so many of them confessed to having a really hard time. The root of so much of that was comparison brought on by social media.
I do believe that social media is a gift! It’s something that is such a blessing and such a cool means of expression! However, watch out for it your freshman year! Set time limits and boundaries for yourself to flee this trap of comparison!
MISTAKE 3: The Two Pitfalls: Doing Wayyyyy Too Much Or Nothing At All!
It’s pretty much inevitable to not fall into one of these traps. I want you to be aware of them so that you can catch yourself doing it, and therefore fight back against these pitfalls!
Pitfall one is going to EVERY event, EVERY party, and going to coffee with EVERY new person you meet. This will wear. you. out! My best friend last year struggled with this a lot. She would wake up, go to class, and then go to events from 4pm to 11 pm (or later) almost every day! She burned herself out SO quickly because she was so afraid to miss out! After a few weeks, she would have to take a few weeks off from seeing anyone because of how exhausted and socially drained she was! I, however, fell into the OTHER side of the pit. I would go to one or two things a week and call it a day, resorting to laying on my futon and binging New Girl on Netflix (which, to be fair, is a phenomenal show and very worthy of binging). I had few friends and was frustrated at the feelings of boredom and loneliness that crept in. I was missing out on so many opportunities to experience college (yes, even in ways that may not have been the best… ask some of my buddies about all the buildings we climbed at 2 A.M.).
Both of these avenues are unhealthy to fall into. One thing my friend and I quickly realized was the importance of boundaries in our lives. There is nothing wrong with filling our days with adventure, coffee dates, and workouts, but when that takes over to the point where you feel guilty resting, it’s a problem. Likewise, it’s wonderful to lay on the couch and have a binge day and eat peanut M&Ms and Boom Chicka Pop (my favorite), but remember that every day is a gift and a blessing! Do you really want to spend these precious years on the futon in your shoebox-sized dorm?
Overall, my advice to you is to create boundaries for yourself. Limit your activities and prioritize REAL rest, such as naps, slow walks, painting, drinking tea and talking about your hopes and dreams with a friend, and also get out there and LIVE! Be spontaneous and go on adventures! Life is too short for another Netflix marathon.
Slight Intermission before we continue: here are three little sentences that helped my daily mindset SO MUCH! Write these on your mirror, your car, on sticky notes: remember these! Truly life changing!
Give yourself grace!
It’s ok to not be ok!
Have courage and be kind!
Ok, moving on… here are a few pieces of advice.
Meet People As If You’ll Know Them Forever
You’re about to meet an insane amount of new people. Like truly. So many new names and faces. It can be very overwhelming and feel very easy to get lost in the crowd. One thing that people will always remember you by is your kindness. Meet people as if you’ll know them for rest of your life. Live fearlessly and boldly. Challenge yourself to remember names and small details about people and make them feel SO loved. Leave kindness in your wake! People who are also genuinely kind will be drawn to you, creating a community of kindness (which sounds so cheesy, I know) around you. This “community of kindness” will be random; I’ve ended up with some of the most random friends because I just ran into someone one day and was kind. Do the same. Make crazy friends. It’ll be worth it, I promise.
Another reason that it is so important to be genuine and loving to those around you
is because you never know what people are going through. There are people around you who have the hardest stories, and you’ll never know. That kindness that a stranger (aka, you) shows them could change their lives. Seriously.
Branch Out!!!
It’s very easy to do in college is to stick to what you know in college; to make friends with people that are similar to you, who share similar interests, who look and act like you. College is your chance to stop this HORRIBLE habit (and truly, it is horrible). We were all made different for a reason. How BORING is it to only have friends that are exactly like you! Some of my best friends in college are absolutely nothing like me. I’m friends with band kids, frat guys, cheerleaders, Atheists, Christians, football players, gamer boys, and literally everything in between. For example I wasn’t ever into rock climbing, but I ended up being friends with one person, and now I rock climb four times a week with my eight new climbing buddies. Get out of your comfort zone and go introduce yourself. But be careful: you may end up rock climbing four times a week!
Make A Morning Routine
When college is crazy and overwhelming, it’s easy to panic and feel very out of control. Having a solid morning routine, even if you’re not a morning person, is something that you can stick to and look forward to every day. Here are a few things that SAVED me in college!
- Workout!
- Not to be skinny! Huge emphasis on this! We DO NOT workout to change our bodies. But there are SO many benefits, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually, that come from getting up and moving your body every morning.
- Find a workout you love. I personally HATE running but LOVE weightlifting! Every morning I would wake up, crack open a Celsius, blast some Band Camino or Taylor Swift, and hit the gym. After a solid 30 minute workout (again, it doesn’t have to be long! Find something you enjoy!), I’d feel rejuvenated, productive, energized, and ready to start the day. Exercise releases all sorts of happy hormones called endorphins that get your blood pumping and overall put you in a better mood.
- I truly think this is one of the best things to do! Here are some of my go-to workouts in college!
- Stretch for 10 minutes and pray
- Go on a 30 minute walk and call your mom
- Do some yoga! (bigggg yoga girl over here)
- Rock climb!
- Go for a one mile run
- Weightlift! If that freaks you out, go follow @kayleeullom on Instagram!
- Try out a barre or pilates class
- Make time to read and pray EVERY MORNING
- Even if you have 10 minutes, open your Bible and read one chapter of the Word. Again, college is hard! Ask God for His strength, His joy, His peace, and His love to give to those around you. Ask for these things every moment of every day. He is a Faithful Father who will be right by your side every day of this transition!
- Eat a real breakfast! With protein! We often underestimate the power of good food in our bodies. A balanced plate every morning takes you a long way. Skipping breakfast or eating a protein bar may sound convenient, but I promise that getting up a little earlier and eating a plate of protein, carbs, and healthy fats will take you so far. Here are a few of my favorite breakfast meals in college
- Scrambled eggs (protein), 2 pieces of toast (carbs) with peanut butter (healthy fat), and whatever fruits you can throw in there!
- Oatmeal (carbs) with peanut butter (healthy fat) with chia seeds (protein) and honey (yum), cinnamon (yum), and fruits (yum)
- Several pieces of toast (carbs) with almond butter (healthy fat), chia seeds (protein), honey, cinnamon, banana, etc.
- Giant bowl of greek yogurt (protein) with granola (carbs… bonus if its protein granola), peanut butter (healthy fat), chocolate chips (yum), frozen blueberries, honey, cinnamon, and anything else your heart desires
- Protein smoothies from Smoothie King are always a win
I asked a few of my college buddies to share some advice for incoming freshman! Here’s their response!
“I think the biggest thing that changed my mindset in college is realizing that my small, close group of friends need to be people that push me in my faith. First semester, I surrounded myself with ungodly people, thinking that I could be a light to them, but I quickly just turned in their ways. Second semester, though, I found a group of solid friends who love the Lord and delight in him. Being with them constantly made me such a better man of God.” -Will 
“My biggest piece of advice is to remember that Jesus truly is our friend! Freshman year is super lonely, and no one talks about that. You are surrounded by lots of people, but you can feel so alone at times. Making friends is hard, and many times I would get so frustrated, but what a Friend we have in Jesus! He is the one constant in a year of chaos and change. So in everything, cling to truth. When the darkness creeps in and things get crazy, wrap your arms around him and do not let go!” -Audrey, a Chi O YoungLife leader at Auburn 
“The transition of entering college brings an array of change and adjustments. There are an endless amount of things demanding your attention, from grades, major, social groups, self image, athletic performance, and so many other idols that seek to control me. For me, I wish I could’ve held onto the consistency of God’s faithfulness and love. The elements of this world don’t define me, but only who Christ says I am. There are many practical things to do differently, but above all else, return to Him again and again to seek comfort in the midst of a new environment.” -Jacob, student athlete at Covenant College 
“I wish I had more trust in God’s plan for me. Taking life moment by moment and knowing that He equips us day by day, never putting us through anything we can’t handle. I spent a lot of time anxious about the uncertainty and chaos that the first semester of school was and trying to figure out my place. But if you let go and give control to Good, he will guide you every step of the way. Also, life is infinitely better when you live into the love and freedom he gives us. That is what will take you far and what brings beauty and joy into the lows and highs. Share that love with everyone you come across even if it is just in the way you smile at someone.” -Kathleen, ADPi at UGA 
“I wish I would’ve taken more chances, like just meeting random people or staying out late. I also wish I would’ve worked less and just had fun.” -JB, dorm President and RA
You made it to the end! #proudofyou I’m hoping and praying that this blog truly brings change to your year. My last tidbit for you is this: none of this means anything without Jesus. You can go on all the walks and eat all the peanut butter toasts and have the cute boyfriend and all the friends, but it doesn’t mean anything if Jesus is not the first thing, the focus, the priority of you life. In Him is Life and Joy and Peace. Don’t miss that! He is our Strength and Song and Salvation! You can trust in Him and His plans for you as you make the leap from high school to college. He is a good and faithful Friend and Father! He loves you, and so do I. See ya later, AnitaBelle