A Letter to Women

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Your Body is Good

I grew up with three sisters who were all very small. In my head, I thought of them as my “stick skinny” and pretty sisters, while I was the short fat one. I didn’t understand why my body was different, and in my head, that “different” was bad. Growing up in that mindset, I went into high school. I could fit into a size 2 pair or jeans my freshman year. I thought that was “good”. In my head, I couldn’t be fat if I wore a size 2, because I had seen magazines full of messages about “BE A SIZE 2 AGAIN!” or “She’s no size 2…” Why did I believe that? Why did 12 year old Anita condemn herself to a life of being ugly and unloved because rather than being 5’9 and a size 2, she was 5’4 and full of muscle and strength? Why was I scared to eat peanut butter because my friend told me it was “fattening” when that is so clearly and 100% not fact in any way. Already insecure Anita progressed into high school, where boys in my tiny private school commented openly on the size of my body. After being told I was “thick” by a male classmate, I was told by my friends that was a good thing! Yay! Boys think you have a good butt! But wait, I thought having any fat on my body was bad? All of my foundational “truths” I believed about myself were crushed! Then sophomore year Anita started working out. She lost 10 pounds and was immediately complimented by my family and friends on how good and pretty I looked. But wait… am I only pretty now that I lost weight? Could I not be pretty before? If I gain that weight back, will I be ugly? Junior year Anita continued into a spiral of losing weight, wearing her Apple Watch and living to see the little red calorie circle spin round and round. Abs are good, right? The more salads I ate, the more you could see a line in my stomach, the more my soccer team gasped in jealousy when I took off my shirt, the more pride I gained. But why? Why is unhealthily small Anita so much “better”, more loved, and prettier than sweet, freshman year, healthy looking Anita?

Junior year Anita, who was proud that you could see all her ribs and her spine, was living in a lie. She believed that her body was the thing that earned her love. That her boyfriend and her family would only see her as beautiful, and ultimately “good”, if she was a size 2 or 0. But that was so wrong! Society preys on this fear of women of not being enough, of not being beautiful. We are constantly being barraded by messages telling us how too “lose 10 pounds”, to maybe start intermittent fasting because its an easy way to lose weight. But why do we have to lose weight in the first place?

What I’m trying to show you here is that you are believing lies: society is telling you lies: the devil is telling you lies: you are telling yourself lies! You DON’T have to lose weight. You don’t have to have that “perfect muscle tone”. Your body is good just how it is. You are perfect with your rolls, your cellulite, your scars, your stretch marks. Your stretch marks from where you grew and delivered a child inside your body are not something to be ashamed of! That is a part of your story, a part of who you are! Your extra 5, 20, or 50 pounds are the memories from when you went to Cookout with your friends at 2 am to get milkshakes and laugh and sing in the car. Your cellulite is not a disease; it’s not a reason to stay up googling “how to get rid of cellulite” at 11 pm because you’ve been crying about the way your legs look. Your body was perfectly created; it’s part of your story; it’s part of who you are! Your body is nothing more than a vessel to carry you through life… to take you on beach trips and picnic dates and singing sessions. You are not alive to shrink your body! Imagine the life we would have if we didn’t spend every waking moment debating on if its “worth it” to eat something… if we didn’t leave the party early to go to bed so we could go run five miles the next morning to “run off” the pizza and cookies you just ate… if you didn’t have to constantly live in shame of the way you look. There is freedom in living in the truth that your body. is. good.

Truth from the one TRUE Source

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10)

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8)

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.’” (1 Samuel 16:7)

You Have Permission To Be Who You Are!

I’ve never been quite like everyone else. And this is not me about to come at you with a message of “I’m so quirky” or “I’m not like other girls”. lol noo. But I truly have felt distant and different than the people around me all my life. That has especially been prevalent as I’ve gone into college and joined a sorority. While other girls are going on frat date nights or outside taking pictures, I’m googling plane tickets to Colorado or climbing a tree. While my friends are business or biology majors, I’m a Romance Language major and studying Greek and Roman culture. While othe are finding high paying internships and desk jobs, I teach yoga three times a week and have this silly little blog. I’ve never “fit it”, even though I’ve wanted to my whole life. Why don’t I want to do things that other people my age and in my circles want to do? I used to be so frustrated that I wasn’t more like other girls. Why did my sisters fit in and seem so “normal”?

But why did I feel a desire to “fit in” so badly? It’s because I didn’t realize that it is OK and SO GOOD to be who you are and do what you love! Life is too short to conform just because you feel like you have to; or because your family expects you to go to law school; or because your boyfriend makes fun of you for teaching yoga. There is so much more joy in life, I have found, when you allow yourself to freely live; to climb trees; to change your major to photography or art or architecture because it’s what makes you feel alive! The Lord gave you your passions and your talents for a reason! Not for you to ignore them so you can go to business school and 500k a year. Life mean so much more when you wake up early to go watch the sunrise by yourself and sing your favorite song by the band that nobody likes but you. There is so much confidence to be found when you embrace your quirks and favorite happy things and run ahead full force, chasing the things that you love.

Some of the people I love most in the world are simply real. They do what they love, and because they are confident in those things, they are able to pour out and love others even better. Some of those people who are real and genuine and confident are studying business because they love it, or out taking pictures because it makes them feel alive! What I want you to take away from this is that you don’t have to feel ashamed of the things that you love. If you want to go on a silly little roadtrip, do it! If you want to go to med school because you love helping others, go for it! Just do what you love and don’t let anyone, ever, make your feel ashamed of the things that make your heart sing.

You’re Not Alive To Find A Husband

“Your goal is to find a husband.” This is a lie that I wake up every day believing. And every day, I cry out to the Lord for strength and courage to believe that I am not defined by a boy, a relationship, or a husband. I am not “doing better” in life because I have a boyfriend. I am not “more valuable” because a boy loves me. I am not accomplished in life because of a wedding ring on my finger. This is a lie that I think a lot of women in Christian circles find themselves in. That every party is a chance to meet a cute boy who might think you’re pretty and fun. That until you can finally answer your mom’s question of “do you have a boyfriend yet” with a yes, you’re not doing a good job.

Again, YOU ARE NOT ALIVE TO HAVE A HUSBAND! Life is SO MUCH MORE than romance! Why is this so hard to believe? Because our whole society, our friends, and maybe even unknowingly our families are reinforcing this idea that you’re kind of just waiting, stuck in place, until you find a partner and move on into the next stage in life. This is especially true in college. How many times have you been to coffee or lunch with someone and you’ve been asked if there are any boys in your life. For me, at least, too many times to count.

You have just as much purpose now as when you have a partner. You have just as FULL a LIFE now as you do when (and IF) you have a husband! If someone came up to you today and told you that you’d never get married, how much would it tear you apart? What if you could simply accept that as a part of life, as simply as if you’d never get a dog or never get another haircut? Your life is just as full on your own and by yourself as with a husband or in a relationship.

Truth from the one TRUE Source

“I wish that all men were as I am [unmarried]. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” (1 Corinthians 7:7-9)

“For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.” (Isaiah 54:5)

It’s Not Your Fault

My last point comes to you with a heavy and grieving heart for all the girls who have been wounded emotionally, mentally, or physically by men.* Look around you. 1 in 4 women have been raped, assaulted, or used by a man once or multiple times in their lifetimes. That number is so incredibly high. The odds that many of you reading this right now have been hurt by a man are great. All that to say…

There is freedom in Christ Jesus. Your body may feel dirty, used, unworthy, ugly. You may have tried to scrub this “filth” off your skin until your arms are red and bleeding. You may have been so pressed down by shame that you have never spoken a word of what happened that night to anyone. I see you. I feel you. And I want you to know this:

1. The Blood of Christ washes you white as snow. You are seen as clean and beautiful in the sight of your Father and Friend. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. You are set free from the guilt and shame that you are carrying.
2. It is not your fault. I’m going to say that again. It is NOT your fault! Regardless of whether at first it was by consent, regardless of what you were wearing, or who it was… whether it was a trusted friend, a family member, or someone in a place you regret being: you are not to blame. Your family and friends will not look down on you for this thing that has happened TO you (not because of you, not by you). You are still you. You are still worthy. You are clean.

*Disclaimer: I am very aware that women can be just as great as abusers as men, but for this time, I’m focusing on abuse by men specifically.

Truth from the one TRUE Source

“Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.” (Hebrews 10:22)

“You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.” (John 15:3)

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 1:1-2)

Finally…

There is so much more I want to say. I want to hug you and tell you that you are beautiful and chosen and clean. I want to force feed you the truth that you are redeemed and forever and unconditionally loved. But I can’t. The Lord is the only one who can heal the hurt and abolish the lies. Fill your heart and mind with his truth, and the enemy has no chance against you! In HIM is a firm foundation. The name of the Lord is a strong tower to where you can run and be safe. He hides you under the shadow of his ring and holds you in the palm of his hand. The Lord is not surprised by the evil in this world. He promises us eternal life free from sorrow and tears in heaven with Him! Remember that it’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok to struggle. But you can rest in knowing that you are complete and loved in Christ! So I leave you with Romans 15:13: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”